Assertiveness skills are extremely valuable in day to day living.
We've all been in situations where we've agreed to do something
despite our better judgement and then made excuses at the last moment.
Assertiveness training will provide you with the skills to create
personal boundaries and to show others how to treat you with respect.
Use the following steps to become more assertive and to reduce stress
in your every day 1. Be Firm and Decisive - Say No if You Have To If you know that you don't want to do something but feel pressured by
people around you, take a deep breath and definitively say that you
will not be able to sign up for that particular task. Mention the
reasons that this will not work for you specifically and then move on.
When you are establishing boundaries with people, it is important to
be clear, firm and decisive. If you typically have trouble with this
step, start with small steps. Practice what you will say at home in
front of the mirror until you are comfortable. Build small successes
into larger ones. 2. Ask For What You Want Matter of Factly People who have trouble with assertiveness are typically fearful of
expressing their needs. Asking for what you want just means that you
will be expressing your feelings. Practice stating what you would like
to have happen at home and at work in a matter of fact way. Again,
start small. As an example, you could tell your coworker - "I want to
be involved in XYZ meeting at 2 pm today". Or if you're talking to a
friend, you could start with - "I need to go to the dentist at 1 pm.
tomorrow, so I'd like to switch our lunch date to the following day if
thats ok with you." Speak up and voice your opinions at the lunch
table. Value yourself enough to express your needs. This will increase
your self esteem and give you the ability to ask for opportunities
that otherwise may not come your way. Once you stop being silent
people will get to know the real you and you will have a stronger
sense of identity. 3. Achieve Your Goals This an important step that may not be intuitive when thinking about
assertiveness. If you set a clearly defined goal for yourself and
achieve it, you will have expressed your specific need to achieve that
goal, set boundaries on your time and articulated your needs to others
in order to get to your end point. Setting and accomplishing goals
will also increase your sense of self. Realize that being assertive is
a good thing both for you and the people around you. Your needs and
wants are valuable and make you the unique and special person that you
are. 4. Constructively Resolve Conflict Conflict is a part of every day life. Being factual and taking a
problem solving approach while stating your needs is part of
assertively resolving a disagreement. If you're in the middle of a
disagreement, step back for a moment. Listen to and acknowledge the
other person's point of view. Clarify and acknowledge all the points
of disagreement. Then, state your point of view, and negotiate a
possible compromise that would work for both sides. If there is no
compromise possible, acknowledge that both of you have different ways
of thinking and leave it at that. Don't allow anyone to push you in a
direction that does not work for you. Be factual and non-antagonistic
in expressing your point of view. Inject some humor into the situation
if possible. 5. Be Interested In the People Around You Be sincerely interested in the people around you. As you express
interest in other people's lives and families, that interest will be
reciprocated and you can naturally get into a relationship dynamic
where you can easily share opinions and express your needs and wants. 6. Believe in Yourself Value and express your own feelings, opinions and interests. If you
strongly believe that what you have to say is important, assertiveness
will become part of your natural behavior. Sign up for activities that
you love and are passionate about. Develop your hobbies. Surround
yourself with people that value and love you. Realize that you are
equally as important as everyone else around you. By paigeturner
We've all been in situations where we've agreed to do something
despite our better judgement and then made excuses at the last moment.
Assertiveness training will provide you with the skills to create
personal boundaries and to show others how to treat you with respect.
Use the following steps to become more assertive and to reduce stress
in your every day 1. Be Firm and Decisive - Say No if You Have To If you know that you don't want to do something but feel pressured by
people around you, take a deep breath and definitively say that you
will not be able to sign up for that particular task. Mention the
reasons that this will not work for you specifically and then move on.
When you are establishing boundaries with people, it is important to
be clear, firm and decisive. If you typically have trouble with this
step, start with small steps. Practice what you will say at home in
front of the mirror until you are comfortable. Build small successes
into larger ones. 2. Ask For What You Want Matter of Factly People who have trouble with assertiveness are typically fearful of
expressing their needs. Asking for what you want just means that you
will be expressing your feelings. Practice stating what you would like
to have happen at home and at work in a matter of fact way. Again,
start small. As an example, you could tell your coworker - "I want to
be involved in XYZ meeting at 2 pm today". Or if you're talking to a
friend, you could start with - "I need to go to the dentist at 1 pm.
tomorrow, so I'd like to switch our lunch date to the following day if
thats ok with you." Speak up and voice your opinions at the lunch
table. Value yourself enough to express your needs. This will increase
your self esteem and give you the ability to ask for opportunities
that otherwise may not come your way. Once you stop being silent
people will get to know the real you and you will have a stronger
sense of identity. 3. Achieve Your Goals This an important step that may not be intuitive when thinking about
assertiveness. If you set a clearly defined goal for yourself and
achieve it, you will have expressed your specific need to achieve that
goal, set boundaries on your time and articulated your needs to others
in order to get to your end point. Setting and accomplishing goals
will also increase your sense of self. Realize that being assertive is
a good thing both for you and the people around you. Your needs and
wants are valuable and make you the unique and special person that you
are. 4. Constructively Resolve Conflict Conflict is a part of every day life. Being factual and taking a
problem solving approach while stating your needs is part of
assertively resolving a disagreement. If you're in the middle of a
disagreement, step back for a moment. Listen to and acknowledge the
other person's point of view. Clarify and acknowledge all the points
of disagreement. Then, state your point of view, and negotiate a
possible compromise that would work for both sides. If there is no
compromise possible, acknowledge that both of you have different ways
of thinking and leave it at that. Don't allow anyone to push you in a
direction that does not work for you. Be factual and non-antagonistic
in expressing your point of view. Inject some humor into the situation
if possible. 5. Be Interested In the People Around You Be sincerely interested in the people around you. As you express
interest in other people's lives and families, that interest will be
reciprocated and you can naturally get into a relationship dynamic
where you can easily share opinions and express your needs and wants. 6. Believe in Yourself Value and express your own feelings, opinions and interests. If you
strongly believe that what you have to say is important, assertiveness
will become part of your natural behavior. Sign up for activities that
you love and are passionate about. Develop your hobbies. Surround
yourself with people that value and love you. Realize that you are
equally as important as everyone else around you. By paigeturner
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